Meant to make sense.

I meant to make sense last night.

Out of my tears came pain, out of my pain came anger, and out of my anger came rage.. I ran most of it off at the gym, pushing myself until my trainer stepped in and told me it was time to stop. I cried in the corner of the locker room.

My thing with death is... I do not get why good people die and useless people walk the earth. By useless, I mean child abusers, rapists, serial killers. Why do they live 80 years in a jail cell and sweet innocent people are taken. I go back to this with my grandma's death.

Normally I would have downed a bag of potato chips. I did not. I went home and like a good little girl had my cabbage soup, watched Grey's hoping for a chance to cry my aggression out. Woke up at 11 to find out my weekend is ruined.. my plans are shot.. and nothing can go my way this week. I couldn't sleep last night, images kept running through my head of this battle of cancer that seems so relentless. (I used spell check on that... I admit).

I'm a fish out of water thrown into the propeller. I really, really needed a hug yesterday. I got one from Isaac, even though he told me I had to wait until tomorrow for one. Turd.