Who's going to hold me?

Tonight...

When I miss his voice. Tell me I'm not going to play his voicemails over & over again.

When I miss his arms. I'm not going to crawl into his favorite sweatshirt and cry myself to sleep.

When I miss him. So much. It makes my heart ache.... physically ache.

Why wasn't I enough for you?.. I tried so hard to be the best person I could be for you....

It's these little moments in the day when I feel like my heart could litterally shatter & you'd need a ziplock to pick up the pieces.

I dreamed of our wedding day. Our babies. Our future... in an instant it's taken from me. It'd be better if you weren't still around. If your friends weren't calling to check on me. If for whatever reason it was... you didn't hate me, didn't leave me, alone. You made a promise.

I wonder how I will ever not feel this pain, this absolute dispair, I mean.. everyone expects me to be over it.. 24 hours later.. everyone expects me just not to talk about it, when I want to scream from the roof tops didn't you know how much I loved him?.. I feel like I lost my entire world. He was my world... I loved him. I still do. I don't want to be alone. I don't have a kid that needs me, I don't have a home to go home to, I have an empty shell that reminds me of what was...

I can't just pick up and pretend I'm happy.. that's not me.. my heart aches, my whole body aches because I feel like I lost the last 5 years of my life..

Right now.. I'm supposed to be saying "It's not me, It's not me, It's not me."... it's not me he wanted... it's her.